1. Stars arrive at the office at 7am without being asked. Slackers slouch in at 9, with a new excuse every day for why they’re late.
2. Stars never make excuses; they just own up to their mistakes and fix them without a fuss. Slackers always make excuses and try to shift blame.
3. Stars reply to emails and messages quickly. Slackers are a black hole for communications, receiving but never responding.
4. Stars don’t “cc all” on frivolous emails or forward on Buzzfeed’s List of the 100 Cutest Cats in the World Ever, because they’re too busy working. Slackers cc the whole company with a useless bit of office admin just to prove to everyone how hard they’re working.
5. When given a task to do or a problem to solve, Stars figure out the solution without asking 20 questions. Slackers show no initiative and expect the person assigning them the task to give them the solution too.
6. Stars finish jobs without having to be nagged or pestered. Slackers never finish anything unless they’re nagged and pestered.
7. Stars send documents that don’t need replies. Slackers send documents that require replies longer than the original email.
8. Stars format Word documents with track changes, because they understand it is considerate and makes the content easier to understand. Slackers assume the world knows the Fibonacci sequence well enough to interpret their byzantine formulas, words, and references.
9. Stars communicate with their colleagues and manage expectations. Slackers only speak up when things go pear-shaped, then try to allocate blame.
10. Stars are always thinking of ways to learn new things. Slackers are always thinking about the opposite sex or material goods or sport.
11. Stars improve the business without running their thought processes past the chief. Slackers improve the business only when given a direct order by the chief, whereafter they need close supervision.
12. Stars work hard even when no one is watching. Slackers tell you how hard they work but slack off when the boss goes home.
13. Stars never need downtime. Slackers always need downtime.